The Big 4-0
I'm a numbers kind of gal. I like math, patterns, codes, etc. I'm a little OCD about numbers and I play weird games in my head with license plate numbers while I'm stuck in traffic. Yes, I'm strange, I know.
This past Sunday my pastor mentioned the number 40 and its significance in the Bible. Being a numbers person that interested me, especially as he stated that 40 represents preparation. Most teachings I've heard say that 40 represents a trial or probation. But it really just depends on your point of view, doesn't it? Isn't a trial just a preparation for something better?
Yesterday I was in a doctor's office and noticed a poster encouraging expectant mothers to carry their baby to full term, or 40 weeks. There it is again - that number 40. I knew that there was something in all of this number madness that applied to me, I just wasn't sure what.
On December 22, 2012, I was in the ER and diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism. It was a life changing moment, coming face to face with my mortality and knowing that it was solely through the grace of God that it had been caught and I had lived. On that day I was given a new lease on life.
In the five months since that day I've had continued health issues. Mystery illness that has yet to be diagnosed. One problem after another. I've been so frustrated I screamed at God, so broken I cried out to God and so grateful I praised God. Through it all I've learned more about my Heavenly Father than I ever knew and I've developed a personal relationship with Him that I could never have imagined.
Last night He showed me the significance of 40 in my life. He showed me that yes, I was given a new life on that day in December and I'm currently in my gestational period, just like a baby. During those 40 weeks in the womb a child is growing and developing. I'm doing the same. He has dreams for me just like an earthly parent does for their child.
Am I going through a trial? You bet. But I'm also being prepared. I'm being molded, strengthened, reinforced, and educated. He's shown me His plans for me and they're pretty amazing. I know there's an end to all of this. Do I think it will be in 40 weeks? No (although that would be pretty cool). I just know I have to keep leaning on Him, trusting in Him, and believing in Him. And I hope when my "40" is finished my face will glow like Moses' did after spending so much time with the Father. (Ex 34:29)
